The NIH estimates between 0.5–5% of the US population suffers from NPD. Its prevalence within society makes it highly likely that you’ll interact with someone with the disorder or who displays narcissistic behaviors at school, work, or family functions.
Navigating a relationship with someone affected by narcissism isn’t easy, especially if they’re a family member or loved one. Still, by following these suggestions, you can find ways to interact while preserving your peace of mind.
- Learn about narcissism
A narcissist is often likable and charming when you first meet, making it easy to overlook their more toxic behaviors. But they might become nasty, manipulative, and undermining once they get to know you. Familiarize yourself with the warning signs of a narcissistic personality to spot the red flags in a relationship before it becomes too involved. - Establish and maintain boundaries
People with narcissistic tendencies struggle to form intimate relationships, which includes habitually breaching boundaries as they might believe the rules don’t apply to them.
In any relationship with a narcissist, you need to establish, communicate, and maintain clear boundaries. State what you will and won’t accept, plus the consequences of violating those requests. Once you set boundaries, prepare yourself to have them tested, and don’t back down. If you do, the narcissist could take advantage of any sign of weakness to push back harder and get what they want. - Don’t react
Narcissists thrive when they feel they have a higher social status or feel in control of a situation. One of their primary means is to bait others to provoke an emotional reaction, playing into their sense of power and control. Don’t give them the satisfaction. Become as emotionless as a grey rock. Don’t argue, and don’t explain. They may use your arguments or explanations to gaslight or bait you into further outbursts. Disengage where possible. If not, respond in a neutral fashion until they get bored. - Insist on actions, not promises
A narcissistic personality loves making grandiose promises, including changing their behavior, that they rarely follow through on. It’s known as future faking, and it’s merely another manipulation tactic. Don’t be sucked in. Express what you need and want in clear, calm terms, explaining that you’ll give them what they desire once they fulfill their end of the bargain. By consistently following through on your word, the narcissist can begin to see you mean what you say and take these agreements seriously. - Avoid direct confrontation
Narcissists can react negatively to anything that paints them in a bad light, sometimes becoming aggressive when they feel threatened.
If you need to give them negative feedback at work, do it gently and try to frame it as a compliment. Consider using a feedback sandwich, where you begin by complimenting them, followed by the criticism, and finishing off with another positive statement. This way, you cushion the blow to their ego by playing to their strengths.
In your personal life, try framing any conflicts around your feelings, not their actions. Use “I” statements to emphasize your own role in the situation. Instead of saying, “You hurt my feelings when…” try, “This made me feel…” so they don’t grow as defensive. They’ll likely turn the conversation back to themselves, but you might be able to instigate without provoking an immediately negative reaction. - Be respectful
If you’re dealing with a narcissist, try to keep the conversation respectful until you can disengage while maintaining your boundaries. Responding non-committedly to their opinions with a simple, “That sounds interesting” can help you stay on their good side without encouraging further discussion. - Practice calming skills
Interacting with someone exhibiting narcissistic traits can involve a lot of gritting your teeth. Save on potentially expensive dental work by practicing deep breathing techniques, using a centering object, or focusing on the positives to maintain your cool. Remember, a narcissist wants to provoke an emotional reaction. Don’t give it to them.
(BetterUp)